Sunday, October 31, 2010

Memory Triggers

I guess that there will always be things that trigger memories of my mom, but since it's just been two weeks and a day since she died, some of these triggers are jumping out at me.  Last night, I went to help pass out candy at our town's big Halloween celebration.  The arts' council of which I'm a part passed out candy to all the little princesses, bumble bees, Handy Mannys, fairies, witches,  and such.  Darth Vader is the one that triggered a memory for me, though.  Our church used to always have a Halloween party.  One year Mother borrowed my daughter's Darth Vader's mask, put on a black graduation robe and some sort of black hood, went to the church and just sat there throughout the party.   She didn't talk to anyone.  Everyone was trying to guess who in the world that person was.  Well, at the end of the party, she took off her mask and boy, was everyone surprised to see this old gray headed lady dressed as a Star Wars character.  The little kids thought she was pretty cool!  Another year, shortly after the World's Fair had been in Knoxville, she went to the party dressed as the Ghost of the World's Fair.  She pinned all kinds of World's Fair buttons and other paraphernalia on a white sheet.  The most surprising to me, though, was the year she wore a mini skirt, a shirt that was off one shoulder, leg warmers, and painted her hair bright pink and blue.  She was a punk rocker! Mother was in her 60s when they had these parties.  We didn't live here then, but people told me about Mother's great costumes.  I also saw pictures.
Today at church, many memories were triggered.  Mother didn't sing, but she loved to hear me sing.  She loved hearing our choir's anthems every week, too.  She loved all the old hymns.  For one piano recital that I was in as a child, I had to play, "How Great Thou Art".  I was not, and still am not, a very good pianist, especially in public.  I did not have this piece memorized as well as I should have, and when I was in front of people I forgot what I did know.  I was really concerned about this.  Mother told me not to worry, that if I forgot part of the song, to just start over, that no one would know.  Well, I got near the end of the song and, of course, forgot the ending, so I started over.  I got near the end again, and again, forgot, so I started over.  I'm not sure how many times I played this beautiful hymn over and over before I finally just quit.  Our choir sang a medley today that included "How Great Thou Art".  The sermon today was about how we can see Jesus's face through other people and through doing things for others.  My mother was someone who was always "DOING" for others.  That was just the way she was.  One example the preacher used in his sermon was that some of the ladies in our church are making prayer shawls for people who are hurting or in need.  My mother received the first of these shawls.  We buried it with her.  Also, after church every Sunday, we have refreshments and a time of fellowship.  Mother LOVED this time to get to visit with her friends and the children at church.  So, today, during our fellowship time, I had more memories triggered.
This is not a bad thing, but right now, it is still somewhat painful!  I hope this wasn't too rambling!!!!


  1. (((hug)))) I think these are beautiful memories Julia- not rambling at all ♥

  2. My thoughts are with you.
    I am sure there ae many emotions and deep feelings....I love to read what you go over...