Homecoming for Ruth

 I was asked by the nursing home assistant administrator to write something for a brochure they are getting ready to publish.  They wanted a photo, too.  I took one to them that someone took of Mother and me at Valentine's last year.  I don't have a scanner, so I can't put that photo on this post, but here's what I wrote.  I don't know if they will use all, part, or even any of this for their brochure, but..........

Homecoming for Ruth................
***Coming to Tennessee Health Care truly was a homecoming for Mother, Ruth ____.   She was born and raised in ______________, Tennessee,  taught school and worked for the Department of Child Services, and had been active in the Presbyterian Church and the community at large.  Mother “knew everyone” and “everyone knew” her. 
***When I first walked into the facility to evaluate whether it was the right place for her, I saw Karen, Janet, Maria, Gail, Sandra, Brenda, Phyllis, and several other staff members I knew from different times in my life.   The huge smiles and welcoming words of comfort made me know that this was the place for Mother. 
***Mother had been in an assisted living facility for three years, but following  several months of a serious illness and surgery at UT Hospital, she moved into a large nursing home in Knoxville.  We, my brother, sister, cousins, and I, were never happy with the care she was receiving there, but since my brother and sister lived in Knoxville, it seemed the logical place for her to be at the time.  When my sister moved out of state, we decided that, since I was retired and my brother was still working, it made sense for her to be closer to my home, which is in ________________. 
***After researching and visiting every facility between Knoxville and _____________, we came to the conclusion that THC was as good, if not better, than the others. The first time I walked in the door for a tour of the building, etc..... I was greeted with smiles and welcoming from the ladies I mentioned above.  These ladies, along with other staff members whom I met, put me at ease and made me feel that, yes, this was the right place for Mother.  I have to say that our aunt and my husband’s grandfather had been at THC many years before, and at that time, we weren’t so impressed.  Many improvements had been made besides just staff changes.  The cleanliness of the facility was the most apparent change!  There was no “nursing home” smell!  I still don’t know how that is accomplished!
***When Mother moved in, she was surprised by how many of the staff, residents, family and visitors of residents, that she knew.  She was also happy that many of her friends from ___________ were now able to visit her more easily.  She loved the activities such as playing Bingo, getting manicures, visits by the Garden Club, visits by children from church groups, musical programs, the fall festival, and others.  Mother was always a very social person, so these events were important to her.
***However, as time went on, she was less aware of what was going on around her, less able to enjoy the activities, and not able to recognize as many people.  Even though, it became harder for her to communicate her needs and wants, she was still treated with dignity and respect by the staff. 
***There were a few times that my siblings, cousins, or I had questions and concerns about Mother’s care, but each time these were addressed by the administration very quickly.  We felt comfortable talking with all staff members about any issues. 
During Mother’s last night, while my cousin and I sat by her bed, several staff members came by to check on us, bring us food, make sure our needs, as well as Mother’s, were being met.  One CNA even came in to sing to Mother.  After Mother took her last breath, we were treated with utmost respect, care, and love by staff members.  Some even came to Mother’s room and cried with us.
***I would not hesitate to use THC for another relative or even for myself in the future.

Sermon Directed At Me

I told our preacher that his sermon was directed straight at me today.  It was about how you shouldn't dwell on the bad stuff in your life, but rather on the good times.  That is exactly what I'm trying to do.  I won't be able to forget this past year, but I am concentrating on remembering things that happened in happier times.   His sermon just added to my belief that this is the best thing for me to do.
I am formulating in my head some things to write about that MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME,  both good and bad.  I will post about these things soon...........
By the way, I am very sad because this was the last Sunday that this preacher will be at our church.  He's moving to Florida.  He was an interim for us, and his contract has run out.  We haven't found a new pastor, yet, so we will have pulpit supplies for a while.  That's okay, though.  I'd rather the Pastor Nominating Committee, which my husband is on, will take their time finding just the right person to fill this position.  Our church is struggling, just as so many others are right now.

Whew!

The surgery went as planned.  I went down to be with my cousin, as did 3 of her friends, one of her brothers, and her sister and brother-in-law, who drove 10 hours to be here.  It just happened to be the weekend of her b-i-l's fraternity reunion here in TN.  (They only have them about every 10 years, so the fact that it was THIS weekend is, uh..........a real suspicious circumstance, huh?).  It was "a fluke" that my cousin was coming to spend the night with us the night before my mother died, too, hum?????????????
I don't claim to have any answers to these circumstances, but it seems that "fate" was at work in both instances,  to me anyway!
Back to my cousin's husband's surgery.  After cutting an incision from behind his ear to above his eye, they then removed a piece of his skull that was about the size of the palm of a man's hand!  The clot was on the surface of the brain, so there was no probing into the brain, thank God!!!!  The whole process only took about an hour.  He will be in icu for a couple of days so they can keep a close watch on him.  He does seem to be doing well, though. The doctors never have acted concerned.  Of course, it wasn't their, or their loved one's, brains on which they were operating!
While we sat and talked as we waited we remembered events from our childhoods.  We talked about my mom and my aunt, who died at 53 years old.  When she died, my cousin whose husband had the surgery, was a sophomore at UT.  She called the icu waiting room from her dorm room to check on her mother, who had surgery a few days before.  A family member of another patient answered the phone.  When my cousin asked for someone from her family, this "idiot" person told her that they had all left because their loved one had died!  Can you believe that's how my cousin learned of her mother's death!!!!!  Thank goodness for her friends who were with her at the dorm.  Another of  my cousin's was in the Navy at the time.  He was stationed in Iceland, but because his mother was so gravely ill, they let him come home.  Afterwards he was transferred to Georgia.  I was at home with our grandmother.  Our other aunt drove very fast to get home to tell her mother!  There were no cell phones then.  I knew when I saw how quickly she drove into the driveway and jumped out of the car and ran into the house, what had happened.  This was the week that my mom's life really changed.  That's when she moved into her sister's house to be with my two cousins who were still home.  One was 16, the other had just had his 12th birthday.  I can still visualize my 5 cousins standing in the yard between our houses, in a circle, discussing what was to happen with the two youngest siblings.  My oldest cousin lived in PA and had a two year old.  She could have taken the boys, but their lives would have been turned upside down even more than it was already.  My cousin who was in the Navy, could have taken them, but he was only about 22 or 23 at the time.  He wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility.  My cousin who was in college, was, of course, not able to take them.  My grandmother was really too old, she actually died the next year.  My other aunt was considered, I'm sure, but she had never married, didn't have children, and just wasn't the best choice.  So, they decided to ask my mother, who didn't hesitate to agree to move into their house.
I didn't mean to get off on this story when I started this post, but it just came out...................

Prayers, please

My cousin's husband has a blood clot in his brain that he is having removed on Thursday!  If you are a long time follower of mine, you know that my cousins are much closer to me than normal cousins.   We were pretty much raised as siblings.  This is the cousin who is only 4 months older than I am, so the one I am closest to.  Any way her husband is only 58 years old - my age!!!!!  He has a small, leaking blood clot behind the eye, even with the temple.  They are going to remove it.  He has had an excrutiating head ache since a week ago last Friday, so over a week and a half!  Finally, today, the doctors have decided to DO something about it!  They admitted him to the hospital and gave him morphine for the pain.  He is feeling some better, now.  My cousin is really scared, though.  Please remember them and their two 20 something sons in your prayers.  I will keep you informed.
This is the cousin who spent the night at the nursing home with me the night that my mother died.

The doctors are assuring my cousin that this is not a life threatening problem, but going into the brain cannot be good.  As I said above, please remember him, his wife, and his two sons, and the rest of the family in your prayers.
Thanks

My Mother's Name

My mother's name was Beulah Ruth, which means Heavenly Friend in Hebrew!  I think that is beautiful!  Mother did have many friends, and that was partly because she was such a good friend to others.  I've written before about how she always thought about others before herself.  One of these days I'm going to write about how she thought about everyone else more than her own family at times.  These are humorous stories.

Memory Triggers

I guess that there will always be things that trigger memories of my mom, but since it's just been two weeks and a day since she died, some of these triggers are jumping out at me.  Last night, I went to help pass out candy at our town's big Halloween celebration.  The arts' council of which I'm a part passed out candy to all the little princesses, bumble bees, Handy Mannys, fairies, witches,  and such.  Darth Vader is the one that triggered a memory for me, though.  Our church used to always have a Halloween party.  One year Mother borrowed my daughter's Darth Vader's mask, put on a black graduation robe and some sort of black hood, went to the church and just sat there throughout the party.   She didn't talk to anyone.  Everyone was trying to guess who in the world that person was.  Well, at the end of the party, she took off her mask and boy, was everyone surprised to see this old gray headed lady dressed as a Star Wars character.  The little kids thought she was pretty cool!  Another year, shortly after the World's Fair had been in Knoxville, she went to the party dressed as the Ghost of the World's Fair.  She pinned all kinds of World's Fair buttons and other paraphernalia on a white sheet.  The most surprising to me, though, was the year she wore a mini skirt, a shirt that was off one shoulder, leg warmers, and painted her hair bright pink and blue.  She was a punk rocker! Mother was in her 60s when they had these parties.  We didn't live here then, but people told me about Mother's great costumes.  I also saw pictures.
Today at church, many memories were triggered.  Mother didn't sing, but she loved to hear me sing.  She loved hearing our choir's anthems every week, too.  She loved all the old hymns.  For one piano recital that I was in as a child, I had to play, "How Great Thou Art".  I was not, and still am not, a very good pianist, especially in public.  I did not have this piece memorized as well as I should have, and when I was in front of people I forgot what I did know.  I was really concerned about this.  Mother told me not to worry, that if I forgot part of the song, to just start over, that no one would know.  Well, I got near the end of the song and, of course, forgot the ending, so I started over.  I got near the end again, and again, forgot, so I started over.  I'm not sure how many times I played this beautiful hymn over and over before I finally just quit.  Our choir sang a medley today that included "How Great Thou Art".  The sermon today was about how we can see Jesus's face through other people and through doing things for others.  My mother was someone who was always "DOING" for others.  That was just the way she was.  One example the preacher used in his sermon was that some of the ladies in our church are making prayer shawls for people who are hurting or in need.  My mother received the first of these shawls.  We buried it with her.  Also, after church every Sunday, we have refreshments and a time of fellowship.  Mother LOVED this time to get to visit with her friends and the children at church.  So, today, during our fellowship time, I had more memories triggered.
This is not a bad thing, but right now, it is still somewhat painful!  I hope this wasn't too rambling!!!!

Love in the Mailbox

First, these are from our church informing us of contributions that have been made in Mother's memory.  The drawing on the front of these cards was done by Mother's dear friend who died back in August.  He also designed the cards that go to the people who send the contributions.  Mother loved her church so much.  It would make her smile to see how many people have honored her in this way.  There's even one card from the local Methodist Church.  Our two churches do so much together.  

 My brother, sister, and cousins have been receiving acknowledgments from the church, too.  We have all been getting beautiful sympathy cards with sweet heartfelt notes. These are the ones I've gotten. One of these was sent to me by Kim, one of my great blogging friends.  Hers is the light green one int he middle of the bottom row.  So sweet.  Do you see the two Halloween cards?  One, I received today from one of my cousins who said she had bought it to send Mother.  The other is from one of Mother's former pastors and his wife.  They sent cards to each other for every occasion.  I never knew the joke, but they always signed their cards, "the X family" and Mother addressed theirs that way, too.  This card was sent before they knew that Mother had died.  The nursing home forwarded it to me.

I went by the nursing home today to take a few things that I thought they could use.  They were playing Bingo and several of the staff members were dressed in costume.  I just got a few photos.

 This is one of my favorite CNAs dressed as Pebbles.  She is such a sweet lady.  I think she looks adorable, and I'm sure the residents enjoyed seeing her dressed up today!  They loved her pink hair!

 This is the activities director dressed up like a cowgirl.   The resident she's talking to is one of my sweet ladies who I plan to still visit.  Her favorite thing to say is, "tootle oo, tootle oo." She used to walk around with her best friend.  They always had their pocketbooks and babydolls, and they were going to the store if you asked."

Here the residents are playing Bingo. A lady I've known all my life comes every Friday morning to lead them in Bingo.  The residents look forward to this time.  I know my mother did.  If one of the regular residents isn't there, this lady goes looking for them to make sure they are alright.  Today, I went to check on one lady for her.  This lady just hadn't gotten up yet, but told me to find a CNA to get her up so she could play Bingo.  So, I did as I was told!  This lady used to teach school with my aunt and is another person I've known all my life.
I will keep going back to visit.